“i hate this bullshit. Alien’s story from the very begining was supposed to show humans encountering new unknown species in space, not some fucking android going mad and making monsters from a woman’s pussy.”
Says a commenter under this clip on deleted scenes from Alien: Covenant, which clearly is a worse film than Alien Resurrection:
As crappy as so many of his subsequent films have been, arguably reaching the nadir with Alien: Covenant, I still clung to the idea that the young Scott was, for two movies, The Next Stanley Kubrick before he all let it fall apart. And then I just watched this: So apparently the young and callow […]
Maybe Ridley Scott was never any good. Maybe Alien was never any good. All of this gross-ass stupid crap is so awful. Damn “facehuggers” and space vaginas with teeth and extraterrestrial face rape and stupid psycho robots and bad religious allegories and crap. Why am I wallowing in this junk? Oh yeah, to keep from […]
Mr. Plinkett and friend with their latest précis of all its awful things: The longer takedown:
I’m a fan of some of The Cinema Snob’s official “The Cinema Snob” reviews, but this is the first I’ve watched in his real-life persona, so I can’t say for sure if he’s often this shaken by the awfulness of what he’s just watched. But he looks and sounds pretty shaken by the awfulness of what […]
Seventy-nine. And going by some of the interview footage I’ve seen, getting very out of it. I’m not going to go fishing for it– I’ve seen it sampled in various online reviews of the new film. He acted more drunk than anything else, but very drunk. It might be meds, meds and booze together, perhaps […]
The great Roger Moore, seven times James Bond, has died at the age of 89. Roger Moore was more than just James Bond– he did a couple of non-Bond pictures with the great On Her Majesty’s Secret Service director Peter Hunt, for example. But it is his dapper tenure as 007 from 1973 to 1985 […]
I wouldn’t have believed I would still laugh so hard over this: The original scene is arch enough, but this just takes the two actors’ effective mannerisms and compounds them into an unbelievable hilarity.
Alain Delon Flies the Concorde Upside Down While George Kennedy Shoots a Flare Gun Out the Cockpit Window
This makes Airplane! look like a goddamn documentary. (commenter Shawn Watson) I’d love to catch this on TCM sometime . . .
If it weren’t for the occasional nightmares I have about these damned things, I’d say the xenomorph is pretty much a joke at this point. And Ridley Scott really wants to relive the David Fincher Alien Cubed crap about the alien jigajiving off the walls of corridors? Shitty CGI. Alien gonna go all Mission Impossible […]
For those who will only know Warren Beatty from the gooffest inflicted upon him by Hollywood’s risible collective decision to go Full Down-low Retard last night, let us honor the man with a look at his genuinely excellent acceptance speech as Best Director for Reds: Beatty is a fire-breathing leftist, yes; but against the calumnies […]
Self-righteous Hollywood Jews just gave “Best Picture” to a Black Gay piece of crap movie just so they could say “F**k you” to our glorious, growing-more-White America
Please, my dear Hollywood Jews– fuck you too! American movies, including the supposedly “good” ones, have been in terminal decline for over a decade. But this Hollywood pro-Blacks-all-the-time schtick is just ridiculous. Moonlight only grossed $25 million– nothing. Nobody likes or cares about it. It was bad enough when they tried to gin up Hurt […]
F**k you some more, Ridley Scott! Oh, I’m not just “triggered” by the gay couple on a colonization mission: I’m triggered by all the ugly ass f**king mystery meats!
Looks like Ridley Scott’s shitty new Alien prequel is the ludicrous last gasp of multicultural porn: God, what a bunch of ugly ass mystery meats. They couldn’t even try and cast the supposed “hot” version of same? What gross-ass miscegenation monkeys. But then, all the White people look like a bunch of degenerate goofs […]
Boy, you were hot shit when your filmography was confined to The Duellists and Alien and Blade Runner, weren’t you? You probably woke up every morning, looked at yourself in the mirror, and said, “Who’s the next Stanley Kubrick? Who’s the next David Lean? YOU ARE!!!” Well, it’s about twenty or thirty piece of shit […]
Interesting. . . . I’d really be thrilled if Warren in his old age, with a daughter destroyed by liberal sex theory ( and doubtless her revulsion at her father’s promiscuity) made a picture in which innocence and virtue triumph over age and cynicism, but it looks more like it’ll be a love triangle with […]
“She is a huge flop for trying to promote BULLSHIT that goes against God! Out you go you f[**]king traitor!”
Says, well, Tila Tequila, on Emma Watson and her new flop film.
Legendary auteur and enfante terrible Michael Cimino has died. He was seventy-seven. Starting as a screenwriter, Cimino swiftly made his way up the ladder to Hollywood ascendance after his co-writing (with John Milius) of the Dirty Harry sequel Magnum Force led to his feature directorial debut, Thunderbolt & Lightfoot, starring Clint Eastwood and Jeff Bridges. His second […]
I don’t know if this is a new, longer cut or just a happy return of Forman’s forgotten classic, but for whatever reason his lustrous Les Liaisons Dangereuses adaptation is back on screen at Cannes: And how happy it would be at last to have a proper DVD release! Especially since I was just […]
Jane Austen’s epistolary novelette Lady Susan is a famous literary curiosity: possibly influenced by Choderlos de Laclos’ scandalous Les Liaisons Dangereuses, it is Austen’s lone treatment of an anti-heroine, a scheming, cynical femme fatale whose wicked voice commands the pages and conveys most of the narrative. I actually once subjected a girlfriend to an oral […]
–You’re telling me. . . . I can’t believe I was stupid enough to dream this morning about the dogfight at the end of Top Gun— a movie I haven’t seen since I saw it in the theatre as a kid. What next, nightmares about Bananarama?
–Absolutely astonishing. What can anybody do against something like this? Has any other pop act so far amassed such a flawless videography? At this point it’s like all of the best SNSD classic videos with none of the second-tier (let alone occasionally bad) entries. The influence of Francis Ford Coppola’s notorious and brilliant box-office bomb […]
The legendary cinematographer of McCabe & Mrs. Miller, Obsession, Blow Out, The Deer Hunter, and Heaven’s Gate has died. Zsigmond won an Oscar for Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but it is perhaps the pair of Cimino films he worked on which utilized his soft-focus technique to their most expansive, painterly, expressive realization. And […]
You know, some of this digitized crap from the new Star Wars movie doesn’t look so bad, in a computerized crayon children’s daydream of flying out among the planets sort of way. But what the hell is the deal with the Jedi Council Room? What a goshforsaken boring room. What are those digital lamps in […]
I saw this film twice on tv when I was a kid, and I loved it so much: –not least because the lead bad guy, played by James Franciscus, is absolutely one of the coolest– and most cerebral– bad guys in movie history. Even as a boy slight enough to be mocked by his cousins when a little […]
Yes, film guru Rob Ager takes on the much-traduced 1979 Bond epic and locates metaphors of PoMo Hitlerism in Drax and his honeys. Though I’m one of those who generally regards the film as a shakier retread of The Spy Who Loved Me, I’ve also long attested to Moonraker‘s strange hold on my imagination, with […]
I’m glad he said it, because I’ve fantasized about Roger Moore speaking out on this. “A few years ago, I said that Cuba Gooding Jr. would make an excellent Bond, but it was a joke!” Moore said when asked for his thoughts about the casting rumor, which if realized would be the first time a […]
Irreverent, twisted, penetrating, obsessed, impassioned, perspicacious, and dementedly funny, this third leg of an astounding (nsfw) dismemberment of the Star Wars prequel trilogy makes a greater epic statement on the collapse of civilization than Lucas’s wannabe epic: –This would make for an ingenious twist date night movie. Tell your new girl you’re going to watch […]
He wrote: Every movie poster of Washington I’ve seen for the last 20 years projects Righteously Angry Magnificently Empowered Full of Himself Black Man Finally Getting Back His Own From White America. –lzlzllzlolzlozlozl That’s hilarious! And true. Yes, Denzel Washington’s two Oscars are an especially egregious overkill. He’s a stiffer, blander actor than Robert Redford; and Redford, […]
I was watching the trailer for Death Wish II— not a very satisfying one, I must add– but from it I learned that Tenebre lead actor Anthony Franciosa appears in that film, so that inspired me to look up trailers for Tenebre too. This one is presented in pretty good condition. For Tenebre— or Tenebrae […]
Pulling a Sean Connery impression just won’t do– because you’re not Sean Connery. Roger Moore– I love him on screen, but you’re not Roger Moore either. If Connery impressions make you look try-hard, Roger Moore impressions– well, your Roger Moore impression– just sounds gay. I’d put in a good– hell, a great– word for the […]
“I kind of have a handle on what they love, what turns them on. Women get turned on by what they wear, women get turned on by looking hot. The last thing women do before they go out at night is check out their butts. They turn around and look at it in the mirror. […]
–in Howard Hawks’ inexhaustibly entertaining masterpiece To Have and Have Not, the Thinking Man’s Casablanca and also the start of a beautiful (if sometimes rocky) relationship between the new starlet and Humphrey Bogart. Godspeed.
Get in there, people. The art skank of your dreams could be waiting: [Ed.: They cut before the climax!] –Not that sort of climax.