Category film

But is “Prometheus” any better than “Alien: Covenant”?

Maybe Ridley Scott was never any good.  Maybe Alien was never any good. All of this gross-ass stupid crap is so awful.  Damn “facehuggers” and space vaginas with teeth and extraterrestrial face rape and stupid psycho robots and bad religious allegories and crap. Why am I wallowing in this junk?  Oh yeah, to keep from […]

Alien Resurrection II: Let’s Talk Some More Trash about Ridley Scott’s Awful “Alien: Covenant”

Mr. Plinkett and friend with their latest précis of all its awful things: The longer takedown:

The Cinema Snob and his friend review “Alien: Covenant”

I’m a fan of some of The Cinema Snob’s official “The Cinema Snob” reviews, but this is the first I’ve watched in his real-life persona, so I can’t say for sure if he’s often this shaken by the awfulness of what he’s just watched. But he looks and sounds pretty shaken by the awfulness of what […]

Do You Realize Ridley Scott is Seventy-nine years old?

Seventy-nine.  And going by some of the interview footage I’ve seen, getting very out of it. I’m not going to go fishing for it– I’ve seen it sampled in various online reviews of the new film.  He acted more drunk than anything else, but very drunk.  It might be meds, meds and booze together, perhaps […]

Godspeed, Sir Roger Moore

The great Roger Moore, seven times James Bond, has died at the age of 89. Roger Moore was more than just James Bond– he did a couple of non-Bond pictures with the great On Her Majesty’s Secret Service director Peter Hunt, for example.  But it is his dapper tenure as 007 from 1973 to 1985 […]

Still Cracks Me Up–Hard

I wouldn’t have believed I would still laugh so hard over this: The original scene is arch enough, but this just takes the two actors’ effective mannerisms and compounds them into an unbelievable hilarity.

Alain Delon Flies the Concorde Upside Down While George Kennedy Shoots a Flare Gun Out the Cockpit Window

This makes Airplane! look like a goddamn documentary. (commenter Shawn Watson)   I’d love to catch this on TCM sometime . . .

More Stupid “Alien” Sequel Crap

If it weren’t for the occasional nightmares I have about these damned things, I’d say the xenomorph is pretty much a joke at this point. And Ridley Scott really wants to relive the David Fincher Alien Cubed crap about the alien jigajiving off the walls of corridors? Shitty CGI.  Alien gonna go all Mission Impossible […]

Warren Beatty’s Oscar Night

For those who will only know Warren Beatty from the gooffest inflicted upon him by Hollywood’s risible collective decision to go Full Down-low Retard last night, let us honor the man with a look at his genuinely excellent acceptance speech as Best Director for Reds: Beatty is a fire-breathing leftist, yes; but against the calumnies […]

Self-righteous Hollywood Jews just gave “Best Picture” to a Black Gay piece of crap movie just so they could say “F**k you” to our glorious, growing-more-White America

Please, my dear Hollywood Jews– fuck you too! American movies, including the supposedly “good” ones, have been in terminal decline for over a decade.  But this Hollywood pro-Blacks-all-the-time schtick is just ridiculous.  Moonlight only grossed $25 million– nothing.  Nobody likes or cares about it.  It was bad enough when they tried to gin up Hurt […]

F**k you some more, Ridley Scott! Oh, I’m not just “triggered” by the gay couple on a colonization mission: I’m triggered by all the ugly ass f**king mystery meats!

Looks like Ridley Scott’s shitty new Alien prequel is the ludicrous last gasp of multicultural porn:   God, what a bunch of ugly ass mystery meats.  They couldn’t even try and cast the supposed “hot” version of same?  What gross-ass miscegenation monkeys.  But then, all the White people look like a bunch of degenerate goofs […]

Hey, Ridley Scott! FUCK YOU!!!

Boy, you were hot shit when your filmography was confined to The Duellists and Alien and Blade Runner, weren’t you?  You probably woke up every morning, looked at yourself in the mirror, and said, “Who’s the next Stanley Kubrick?  Who’s the next David Lean?  YOU ARE!!!” Well, it’s about twenty or thirty piece of shit […]

Warren Beatty’s New Movie Exists

Interesting. . . . I’d really be thrilled if Warren in his old age, with a daughter destroyed by liberal sex theory ( and doubtless her revulsion at her father’s promiscuity) made a picture in which innocence and virtue triumph over age and cynicism, but it looks more like it’ll be a love triangle with […]

“She is a huge flop for trying to promote BULLSHIT that goes against God! Out you go you f[**]king traitor!”

Says, well, Tila Tequila, on Emma Watson and her new flop film.

Godspeed, Michael Cimino

Legendary auteur and enfante terrible Michael Cimino has died.  He was seventy-seven. Starting as a screenwriter, Cimino swiftly made his way up the ladder to Hollywood ascendance after his co-writing (with John Milius) of the Dirty Harry sequel Magnum Force led to his feature directorial debut, Thunderbolt & Lightfoot, starring Clint Eastwood and Jeff Bridges.  His second […]

Milos Forman’s Valmont: “Restored”

I don’t know if this is a new, longer cut or just a happy return of Forman’s forgotten classic, but for whatever reason his lustrous Les Liaisons Dangereuses adaptation is back on screen at Cannes:   And how happy it would be at last to have a proper DVD release!  Especially since I was just […]

Whit Stillman Does Austen: The “Love and Friendship” trailer

Jane Austen’s epistolary novelette Lady Susan is a famous literary curiosity: possibly influenced by Choderlos de Laclos’ scandalous Les Liaisons Dangereuses, it is Austen’s lone treatment of an anti-heroine, a scheming, cynical femme fatale whose wicked voice commands the pages and conveys most of the narrative.  I actually once subjected a girlfriend to an oral […]

“Remaining Migs Are Bugging Out”

–You’re telling me. . . . I can’t believe I was stupid enough to dream this morning about the dogfight at the end of Top Gun— a movie I haven’t seen since I saw it in the theatre as a kid. What next, nightmares about Bananarama?

An early word about Red Velvet’s “One of these Nights”

–Absolutely astonishing.  What can anybody do against something like this?  Has any other pop act so far amassed such a flawless videography?  At this point it’s like all of the best SNSD classic videos with none of the second-tier (let alone occasionally bad) entries. The influence of Francis Ford Coppola’s notorious and brilliant box-office bomb […]

Godspeed Vilmos Zsigmond

The legendary cinematographer of McCabe & Mrs. Miller, Obsession, Blow Out, The Deer Hunter, and Heaven’s Gate has died. Zsigmond won an Oscar for Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but it is perhaps the pair of Cimino films he worked on which utilized his soft-focus technique to their most expansive, painterly, expressive realization.  And […]

The Jedi Council Room is an epic fail

You know, some of this digitized crap from the new Star Wars movie doesn’t look so bad, in a computerized crayon children’s daydream of flying out among the planets sort of way.  But what the hell is the deal with the Jedi Council Room? What a goshforsaken boring room.  What are those digital lamps in […]

Criminally Genius: “Killer Fish”

I saw this film twice on tv when I was a kid, and I loved it so much: –not least because the lead bad guy, played by James Franciscus, is absolutely one of the coolest– and most cerebral– bad guys in movie history.  Even as a boy slight enough to be mocked by his cousins when a little […]

Multicultural Fascism in “Moonraker”

Yes, film guru Rob Ager takes on the much-traduced 1979 Bond epic and locates metaphors of PoMo Hitlerism in Drax and his honeys. Though I’m one of those who generally regards the film as a shakier retread of The Spy Who Loved Me, I’ve also long attested to Moonraker‘s strange hold on my imagination, with […]

Thank you, Sir Roger Moore!

I’m glad he said it, because I’ve fantasized about Roger Moore speaking out on this. “A few years ago, I said that Cuba Gooding Jr. would make an excellent Bond, but it was a joke!” Moore said when asked for his thoughts about the casting rumor, which if realized would be the first time a […]

Date Night Movie for Camille Paglia and da GreatBooksForMen(TM)

Irreverent, twisted, penetrating, obsessed, impassioned, perspicacious, and dementedly funny, this third leg of an astounding (nsfw) dismemberment of the Star Wars prequel trilogy makes a greater epic statement on the collapse of civilization than Lucas’s wannabe epic: –This would make for an ingenious twist date night movie.  Tell your new girl you’re going to watch […]

Larry Auster on Denzel Washington

He wrote: Every movie poster of Washington I’ve seen for the last 20 years projects Righteously Angry Magnificently Empowered Full of Himself Black Man Finally Getting Back His Own From White America. –lzlzllzlolzlozlozl  That’s hilarious! And true. Yes, Denzel Washington’s two Oscars are an especially egregious overkill.  He’s a stiffer, blander actor than Robert Redford; and Redford, […]

Dario Argento’s “Tenebre”

I was watching the trailer for Death Wish II— not a very satisfying one, I must add– but from it I learned that Tenebre lead actor Anthony Franciosa appears in that film, so that inspired me to look up trailers for Tenebre too. This one is presented in pretty good condition.  For Tenebre— or Tenebrae […]

Timothy Dalton is James Bond

Pulling a Sean Connery impression just won’t do– because you’re not Sean Connery. Roger Moore– I love him on screen, but you’re not Roger Moore either.  If Connery impressions make you look try-hard, Roger Moore impressions– well, your Roger Moore impression– just sounds gay. I’d put in a good– hell, a great– word for the […]

“I’ve had a lot of experience with women”

“I kind of have a handle on what they love, what turns them on. Women get turned on by what they wear, women get turned on by looking hot. The last thing women do before they go out at night is check out their butts. They turn around and look at it in the mirror. […]

Lauren Bacall

–in Howard Hawks’ inexhaustibly entertaining masterpiece To Have and Have Not, the Thinking Man’s Casablanca and also the start of a beautiful (if sometimes rocky) relationship between the new starlet and Humphrey Bogart.  Godspeed.

“Approach Week” is underway!!

Get in there, people.  The art skank of your dreams could be waiting: [Ed.:  They cut before the climax!]  –Not that sort of climax.  

I hurt myself

I hurt myself laughing at this.  Half the people in the comments, I see after I hurt myself, also hurt themselves watching this.  I have tears in my eyes.  I’m not even sure how long it took me to figure out this has been gif-fed up a bit.  Yet what was already there on screen […]

Warren Beatty’s Back

They said he’d never work in that town again. But the megalomaniac playa and writer-producer-director-star is finally moving–I’d say “rolling”, but are we absolutely sure he’s begun shooting?– with his long-nursed Howard Hughes (or maybe it’s just Howard Hughes-inspired) pic. While Beatty the auteur may not be quite the caliber of Coppola or Bertolucci, I’ve always admired his ambition […]

The Revelation of James Bond: how “The Living Daylights” foretells current events

The other night I was thinking about how, in The Man With the Golden Gun, James Bond doesn’t just save the world from some threatened evil (total nuclear war, total orchid poisoning of the Earth by a madman in space), but actually does something that should have fixed an existing, ever-present evil in our lives:  to wit, Bond […]

L’Annee derniere avec Alain Resnais

Seminal Nouvelle Vague auteur Alain Resnais has died.  The director of Hiroshima, Mon Amour, Muriel, and L’Annee Derniere a Marienbad remained a prolific and influential filmmaker to the end of his 91-year life.  His final work, Aimer, boire et chanter, was released February 10th. Like Jean-Luc Goddard, Eric Rohmer, Claude Chabrol, Jacques Rivette, and Agnes […]

Congratulations to Alfonso Cuaron and Emmanuel Lubezki

Alfonso Cuaron is not the successor to Bernardo Bertolucci I’d hoped he would be– his Y Tu Mama Tambien was a grave disappointment– but as a populist filmmaker he’s dazzling, and he and his fellow Oscar-winner and career-wide collaborator, the cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki, are among the truly great visual maestros in the history of cinema.  […]

“Bubblegum Scorsese”, etc.

This year The Hollywood Reporter promises five behind-the-scenes talk-thrus with scathingly honest Oscar voters.  I don’t know if this director is the one from last year (last year’s thought the David O. Russell film was indifferently edited, and this year’s says the new David O. Russell film is brilliantly edited, so perhaps not), but here […]

Ellen Page Came Out

–Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody had paid her to stay in the closet all this time.  Maybe there’s a GLADD fund set up just to keep all the obviously gay Hollywood celebrities (or the lesbian celebrities, anyway) officially “on the downlow”.  By doling out one little coming-out party every couple of years, they can […]

Roger Moore is so f**king suave

Among the most frequently asked questions I am asked in interviews (and I assume this is true of any other retired 007) is, ‘Who is your favourite Bond girl? ‘Oh! How original!’ I exclaim. ‘No one has ever asked me that before.’ I never give an answer as I think it is terribly unfair to […]

Still Crazy Like a Mia

Mia Farrow is at it again.  The most current comment at the moment (from “poopmenot”) at the Vanity Fair piece reads: So Mia casually marries a know playboy.Then divorce him and marries someone else’s husband. She then fills up the house with disable kids from all corners of the world. She’s not even sure who […]