Category creative writing


Ode to Dr. Tingle

In tribute to the Man of the Hour, and by way of desecrating another High Romantic masterpiece, these extempore lyrics (as originally posted at Vox Day) on the great Space Raptor Butt Invasion bard: Thou still unravished raptor bard of space, Thou foster-foe of Ted Cobbler and time, Dino-eroticer, who can thus express Normal calves more […]

KARA pose comeback showcase tenasia

“Schizophrenic K-pop f@ggotry and raciss rantings”

–The readers have spoken, and the reviews are in!  [Ed.: Another satisfied blog customer?] N!gga, puy-leez.  It ain’t no rantin’ eff all I be pointin’ out is why you be swippin’ yo EBT offa my takses yo!  Stop makin deem bassard babies an geet sum cents! [Ed: You forget I still lecture on Hayek at CalTech, […]

clueless pensive Cher

Like, we can totally bully with the Syrians

“Bullying.”  You hear it everywhere.  This silly word has infected every so-called serious discussion of every evil in the world:  another sure sign of the adolescentification of all reality in our fast approaching-apocalypse Western world. Case in point:  I’m running home from errands this afternoon and I make the mistake of turning on NPR.  They’re […]

Coffee-Posters triple c dot ca

Nescafe is something you do

I had a synchronicitous moment the other day in a comments thread where we’re dissecting the pro-Democratic Party voting habits of Asian-Americans, and I’m talking about dealing with Christian peers when I was an atheist teen (ah, sexy times!), and another commenter chimes in, noting that devout Christians pack about as much punch nowadays as […]

Just Fluke Yourself (or: what Rush mighta said)

  C’mon girls! Do you believe in free shit? Cause I got something’ to say about it And it goes somethin’ like this:     Don’t buy your own protection, baby Put it on the public dime You know you know, you got to Rock DC “Sex and the City” Lifestyle like you’re still twenty-nine   […]

Sweet sneaks, Laura (original verse)

*************** Sweet sneaks, Laura.  It’s not so oft one sees Tulle skirts brisking through the parking lot At a quarter to 3.  Trim willow, ballerina, Like Russian royalty   In exile, you’re a rosebud bloom blown through On winds too soft-fringed to scrape dead gray Concrete sheets with showered leaves.  Whither Wanderest thou, princess   […]

J Crew’s sweet fantasy (lesbian hipster nsfw ed.)

     The Gospel According to St. Luke Daily Mail reports on J. Crew prez and creative director Jenna Lyons’ personal problems:  she’s left her husband of nine years and taken up with another woman.      Here’s Jenna in, er, earlier days with handsome hubby:      And now here’s Miss Jenna flouncing around with her new belle, Courtney […]

Narsha Narsha Narsha!!! (an interview)

     I’d been trying for weeks now to get in touch with my fabulous friend Narsha L.  Since we had such a fine time transcribing dialogue last Thursday here at Lucius Somesuch (and my apologies to the mailers– next Thursday we’ll get to some of you, I’m sure I promise!), we thought it’d be a lovely idea […]

Thursday Night Fanmail Club (“O medicina gravis” edition)

     Good evening, Gentle Readers!  We at Lucius Somesuch have had a busy time of it lately– well, some critics might roll their eyes, but really it doesn’t take much to wear out those of us blessed with nervous constitutions, chronic migraines, dim eyesight, unemployable yet prodigious talents, and a lack of solicitude from wealthy patrons; […]

Play your game (you know I wanna)

     I’ve been revisiting an old haunt of mine, a little “family restaurant” I used to go to alot whenever I was in the Big City to kill a pleasant day.  When My Brother From Another Mother and I discovered Pope Julius II was in the hospital and started paying him courtesy calls, I decided to take him […]

An Haiku (in name only)

     I am a poet       But I wish I were a whore       Then I’d make some dough

Blogorrhea (Sunday’s original verse)

Say, if you know, what do we owe To readers and their chatter– It’s not as though they’ll hand their dough (or kisses, for that matter!)   Just because I might arouse For a stolen online instant (when I apply to the weary eye A wit so slightly puissant)   Some bracing goad from the […]

Going to Aspie

     I’m a Tourette’s case.  That’s a self-diagnosis, but I’m pretty confident about that.      Now, my mother thinks I have Asperger’s.  Or at least, she floated that diagnosis one time.  Some acquaintance had a first grader who’d been ‘diagnosed’ with Asperger’s, and had been given a little book to explain to him how it […]