Category creative writing

A walk in the park

A walk in the park is a lot of fun; but I hope that smell I stepped in wasn’t dung. Advertisements

The Black Rapture (an afternoon improvisation)

It was a bright and frosty dawn That day that woke so strangely still, When quick there broke discovery Of a mystery to thrill. The peoples rose up from their beds, Both White and Brown and Gook, To find that from the earth had fled Every last man or woman spook. There were no Blacks! […]

Pope Francis Reveals He’s not the Pope, as Pope St. Benedict the Umpteenth burns gay Satanist cardinals in St. Peter’s Square

Rome.– In a shocking string of revelations, erstwhile “Pope” Cardinal Francis the Mule revealed the retirement of Pope St. Benedict was merely a ruse as part of a grand, godly counter-conspiracy to uproot the Lavender Ill*m*n*tt* Mafia inside the Vatican. “It was a closerun thing, I have to admit,” stated Cardinal Francis.  “I mean, you […]

Oh My Girl’s “I Found Love”: The Trump Remix

Oh My Girl’s Pink Ocean/Windy Day  hyperventilating album track “I Found Love” is such a highlight, I determined I should provide a lyrical remix for the edification of the Alt Right! The first 7 days roll on, so let’s rock!!!   Last year, My spirits sank with great fear Media sneered it was so clear […]

Lucius Somesuch’s Dreams

Thursday: Fox Channel’s S. E. Cupp murders Red Velvet’s Wendy.  This was a very eerie and disturbing dream I still remember well, but I don’t want to recount it right now. Today: Trump is poisoned in a movie auditorium, with Hillary’s black medical handler showing up to “assist” him.  I rush to get Don Jr. […]

Sonnet: Against Ice Mixing (another Sonnet 116 parody-homage)

Let me to the marriage of true Ice Admit impediment. Love is not love Which dilutes kin with a roll of the dice, Or bends with the mixer his race to remove. No! Let the Han and Aryan be ever-fixed marks, That look on Jew porn and are ever disgusted: Let them abolish Jew media […]


Beneath the platitutes of the upper pundits, Far beneath the web of soft-swollen repute Uprears, restless, resenting elitest surfeits, Wondrous KEK: woke to revenge, refute Those shadowy sponges who soak the light Of life from millennials left to blight, Who condemned ‘em to weed-fumed healthless cells, Broke-backed with debt, left friendless incels. These have lied […]

Sonnet 116 (a cuckservative parody)

Let me not to the malformation of minds Admit impediments. “Right” is not right Which alters not when it alteration finds. A true conservative bends to each new blight: Oh yay! He is an ever-moving mark That looks on teapots and is always shaken; He is a cur groveling ‘fore its (((master’s))) bark, Whose worth’s undone, […]

Ode to Dr. Tingle

In tribute to the Man of the Hour, and by way of desecrating another High Romantic masterpiece, these extempore lyrics (as originally posted at Vox Day) on the great Space Raptor Butt Invasion bard: Thou still unravished raptor bard of space, Thou foster-foe of Ted Cobbler and time, Dino-eroticer, who can thus express Normal calves more […]

“Schizophrenic K-pop f@ggotry and raciss rantings”

–The readers have spoken, and the reviews are in!  [Ed.: Another satisfied blog customer?] N!gga, puy-leez.  It ain’t no rantin’ eff all I be pointin’ out is why you be swippin’ yo EBT offa my takses yo!  Stop makin deem bassard babies an geet sum cents! [Ed: You forget I still lecture on Hayek at CalTech, […]

Like, we can totally bully with the Syrians

“Bullying.”  You hear it everywhere.  This silly word has infected every so-called serious discussion of every evil in the world:  another sure sign of the adolescentification of all reality in our fast approaching-apocalypse Western world. Case in point:  I’m running home from errands this afternoon and I make the mistake of turning on NPR.  They’re […]

Nescafe is something you do

I had a synchronicitous moment the other day in a comments thread where we’re dissecting the pro-Democratic Party voting habits of Asian-Americans, and I’m talking about dealing with Christian peers when I was an atheist teen (ah, sexy times!), and another commenter chimes in, noting that devout Christians pack about as much punch nowadays as […]

Just Fluke Yourself (or: what Rush mighta said)

  C’mon girls! Do you believe in free shit? Cause I got something’ to say about it And it goes somethin’ like this:     Don’t buy your own protection, baby Put it on the public dime You know you know, you got to Rock DC “Sex and the City” Lifestyle like you’re still twenty-nine   […]

Sweet sneaks, Laura (original verse)

*************** Sweet sneaks, Laura.  It’s not so oft one sees Tulle skirts brisking through the parking lot At a quarter to 3.  Trim willow, ballerina, Like Russian royalty   In exile, you’re a rosebud bloom blown through On winds too soft-fringed to scrape dead gray Concrete sheets with showered leaves.  Whither Wanderest thou, princess   […]

Narsha Narsha Narsha!!! (an interview)

     I’d been trying for weeks now to get in touch with my fabulous friend Narsha L.  Since we had such a fine time transcribing dialogue last Thursday here at Lucius Somesuch (and my apologies to the mailers– next Thursday we’ll get to some of you, I’m sure I promise!), we thought it’d be a lovely idea […]

Thursday Night Fanmail Club (“O medicina gravis” edition)

     Good evening, Gentle Readers!  We at Lucius Somesuch have had a busy time of it lately– well, some critics might roll their eyes, but really it doesn’t take much to wear out those of us blessed with nervous constitutions, chronic migraines, dim eyesight, unemployable yet prodigious talents, and a lack of solicitude from wealthy patrons; […]

Play your game (you know I wanna)

     I’ve been revisiting an old haunt of mine, a little “family restaurant” I used to go to alot whenever I was in the Big City to kill a pleasant day.  When My Brother From Another Mother and I discovered Pope Julius II was in the hospital and started paying him courtesy calls, I decided to take him […]

An Haiku (in name only)

     I am a poet       But I wish I were a whore       Then I’d make some dough

Blogorrhea (Sunday’s original verse)

Say, if you know, what do we owe To readers and their chatter– It’s not as though they’ll hand their dough (or kisses, for that matter!)   Just because I might arouse For a stolen online instant (when I apply to the weary eye A wit so slightly puissant)   Some bracing goad from the […]

Going to Aspie

     I’m a Tourette’s case.  That’s a self-diagnosis, but I’m pretty confident about that.      Now, my mother thinks I have Asperger’s.  Or at least, she floated that diagnosis one time.  Some acquaintance had a first grader who’d been ‘diagnosed’ with Asperger’s, and had been given a little book to explain to him how it […]