It’s late, and I should be getting to bed, but I had to have a late-night dosage of da wisdomz of the Great Books For Men. This note has been in circulation before, but still carries the laughaerobic capacity it always has (plus there’s always the thrilling permutations of a new context). –Actually, we’d better back up and take this thing in its entirety [Ed.: That’s what she said.], since after all who doesn’t need some wisdom on age-sorting da womenz?:
DA GBFM AGE-RELATED GUIDE TO SCORING WOMENZ:
under 25: bring da moviez! but not da butt-team edward onez with da faggy makeup sparkly bunghoeleoozzo over 30: bring da movies! but not your box editcitionz of Sex in the cCty as i don’t wanna have to think of your arm fat hangingz off your armz before i am forced to see it turkey neckz zlzzozlzozo
under 25: lotsas cokas 4u! (assuming u r legalz lzozozo) over 30: lotsas cokas 4u! (gonna take alotz! it’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway with your strecthed-out vag zllzo)
under 25: i don’t wanna get u pregnant (assuming it’s even possible zlzozi) over 30: i don’t wanna get u pregnant (assuming it’s stills possible zlzozi)
32? you’re 32?????!!??
i’ll be right back!! gotta go get my “going down on over 30 year old chciks suit” which includesz:
1. diving mask
2. snorkel
3. full body haz-mat suit (NASA approved)
4. self-contained breathing apparatus
5. 7 cans of industrial-strenght lysol
6. leaf-blower to get all the dust off
7. two-way radio
8. emergency beacon
9. hip-length rubber bootz for wading in the muck
10. robotic arm to rub your cliztztzlzlzuzlzlzizzlzlzzoz
–Lzlzlzolzolzzlolz Well, I don’t have anything profound to add– though I will say that, if cunnilingus is your A-game, for god’s sakes don’t get lazy and let yourself downgrade to mutual masturbation. Next thing you know, you’ll have to buy dinner for two at Olive Garden just to get to second base while she’s jilling herself with a vibrator. [Ed.: Autobiographical?] No, but as Marlon Brando would say, “That’s Classical.” It’s as true as the fact your gym teacher’s a lesbian. Take it to the bank.
