Monthly Archives: November 2011

‘A rose can never be a sunflower,

and a sunflower can never be a rose.’      William Blake?  Wrong.  That’s Miranda Kerr! She reiterated: ‘All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women, too.’ ‘I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness.’ This loving spirit is what caused Kerr’s husband Orlando Bloom to fall in love with […]

Charlotte Church testifies!

     in the Murdoch proceedings.  Looking poised, confident, professional.  Attractive!  I don’t doubt her credibility–      though I’m amused to note, thanks to the ever-intrusive vigilant British media, that Charlotte has been known to aid and abete, however slightly, the press’ efforts not to take her so seriously: ‘I can sink ’em! If I’m home, I’ll […]

Miranda Kerr, babymaker (my soul doth magnify the shimmy)

     In some corners of the blogosphere, it’s as if people think Miranda Kerr were some kind of femme fatale and a spawner of bastards.  Well, as if!  She’s actually married to Orlando Bloom (who people thought was gay, but whatevs), so some people have just been carrying on in a misleading fashion!  Plus, Miranda has turned […]

Sweet sneaks, Laura (original verse)

*************** Sweet sneaks, Laura.  It’s not so oft one sees Tulle skirts brisking through the parking lot At a quarter to 3.  Trim willow, ballerina, Like Russian royalty   In exile, you’re a rosebud bloom blown through On winds too soft-fringed to scrape dead gray Concrete sheets with showered leaves.  Whither Wanderest thou, princess   […]

Teen Scream Drama Queen: Demi Lovato as Diva

           As someone whose first intimation of Demi Lovato’s existence came, I suppose, from flashing past “Camp Rock” trashcans in Target on my way through to the Eddy’s in the frozen aisle, I fear I’ve really missed out on something.      The Disney graduate is quite the bundle of drama!   Punching backup dancers!  Bad behavior and rehab!  Body image […]

Because you know you want it

I can only oblige our doting readers with Mommy Miranda footage.  Beaming, happy, oh so good because look at that face, mommy! Our darling, secular Madonna! With leather leggings!   And, jeez louise, tight-tight-tightness! Lily Aldrich is probably on here somewhere, amid some of our fashion collection wrapups.  Here, she does admittedly look quite less goddessy than […]

Demi Lovato is a freakin’ babe

     When I first started reading Blind Gossip back in 2009, there were all these ‘blinds’ about some Disneyfied starlet or other getting into trouble.  It might have been any or all of the Disney crop:  so-and-so’s getting drunk at media events; so-and-so’s doing nose candy; so-and-so’s a beard (bearding does appear to be very popular […]

The Beauty of the Ideal

Some idealistic lawyer chick with cute dogs

     Yeah yeah, sometimes I don’t know why I post, either.  But I found myself at the LA Daily News, and here’s some hottie-ish bottle-blonde in a “Vegan” sweatshirt who apparently is some sort of “animal rights lawyer” and she’s rescued a bunch of cute beagles!  (article uses the word “bonks”!)      Cute!!  –Anyway, these […]

Goddess, Mother, Angel: Miranda Kerr

     It can’t be a holy day without a flash of Miranda Kerr.  Even if there are no diamond-bedazzled bras or leather leggings in sight.      But she did bring her moppet in tow!      Is Winter already upon us?  This Autumn was so very fleet-footed.  And Life, too, squanders apace.  But while Miranda steps […]

So annoying!

     Sometimes my stupid pinky fingers feel like they’re sticking out at a 60 degree angle from the rest of my hand, waiting to get their fool selves snapped right off.      This is one of those times.  Damnit to hell, no more hitting the shift key!  No more bloody typing!      –I’d better find […]

“Not yet!” Godspeed, John Neville

     John Neville, the only actor who (besides Lawrence of Arabia-era Claude Rains) could have perfectly incarnated Julian Morrow from Donna Tartt’s The Secret History, has died.      His immortality is assured by his starring role in Terry Gilliam’s The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, a film so cultic, it apparently doesn’t even register as a […]

Gemma Arterton, self-professed ‘prude’

     The Daily Giggle Mail informs us that wife and purported “Bond girl”  Gemma Arterton (I always thought it was ‘Atherton’) has been cast by Neil Jordan to play a stripper.  And now it’s time for some Method Acting!: Former Bond girl Gemma, 25, tells me she is off to study strippers after filmmaker Neil […]

Helen Flanagan, provocateur

     Telly totty and WAG Helen Flanagan, out for a night in godless Manchester:      We love dear old Helen, as may be witnessed here and here.  And, erm, right here:      Apparently Helen has spent much of her brief life as a homeland sensation as the resident trainwreck Lolita on Coronation Street.  We certainly hope […]

Treasures of the National Gallery of Scotland

     Britain’s museums don’t get the sex-oomph pop coverage of the Louvre or the Uffizi; but if you can overlook the fact that you’re not wandering along through a set from Russian Ark all the while, you might well appreciate that good old Brittannia has some of the grandest art holdings in the world.  If […]

Katy Perry sucks (I’ll say it again)

     While it occurs to me, I’ll recycle a brief notice I extemporized on Althouse a little while back: I abhor Katy Perry. Emotionally as well as sexually, she’s porno-coy. A bug-eyed Zooey Deschanel twee-freak playing at being a slutty, trailer-trash Ke$ha or latex-clad Gaga. Even more than those peers, her shtick is infuriating, fatigueing, […]

“Keep watching, keep watching”: Brian De Palma’s “The Fury” as blank screen (part One)

     Are plot holes in The Fury subtext, or are they the very thing itself?  Brian De Palma keeps the film making just enough phenomenological sense that we can stay with it, giving in to the illusion.  Yet, rationally considered, the film keeps piling on discrepancies, riddles, seeming contradictions.      I think this is one […]

Camille Paglia on Ingres’ “Turkish Bath”

“Girls, girls, girls! Packed in like luscious sardines and undulating like a velvety landscape of swelling bosoms and buttocks, they can be ogled in Ingres’ steamy peep-hole painting, “The Turkish Bath,” where lesbo fondling is going on amid the usual lute-playing, grape-popping and incense-burning. I made that painting a central exhibit of my book “Sexual […]

There is no greater injustice

than a rich girl deprived of her money.  –I mean that.      The Epistle of St. Paul the Apostle to the Church at Ephesus Daily Mail blasphemes the story: “Where once Sasha had the run of multi-million pound mansions, home is now a modest, rented two-bedroom flat in London. She has been forced to leave […]

Some chick who isn’t Miranda Kerr

  but she is in wet-look leggings (or, as one of our favoured contributors would say, “leatherette tights”) — and only ten days after giving birth?  One might question Alex Gerrard’s priorities, except: Oh hell, I suppose I am going to question her priorities.  Bear in mind, she is a WAG– and “Scouse” at that!  […]

A Day Without Miranda Kerr Strolling in “Leatherette Trousers” With Her Baby

is like a day without sunshine.      And today it shines!      How could the critics carp?  Hmn?  Miranda Kerr is a concentric sphere of crystal hovering in air.  Us mortals can only gasp in awe.  Gasp, mortals, gasp!      Angel Transmission Received.   Ave regina.  That is all.

What a loser

     Roger Ebert doesn’t know enough about the work of Armond White?  Well, what’s his excuse?  This came to my attention while searching for White chestnuts on De Palma: “On Thursday night I posted in entry in defense of Armond White’s review of “District 9.” Overnight I received reader comments causing me to rethink that […]

Thursday Night Fanmail Club (Occupy Your Angels diavlog ed.)

Ed.:  Hi Mickey! Me:  Hey Bob! Ed.:  How’s it going? Me:  Ahm, I need a lens wipe, actually. Ed.:  The monitor speckled or something? Me:  No, it’s my glasses.  I’ve got one left, but I don’t want to waste it. Ed.:  You don’t want to waste it?  So what do you want, just to go blind then? Me:  […]

Versace for H&M: Cheap and Hard

     The prospect of “Versace for H&M” is sure to thrill style-watchers, fashionistas, and anyone fortunate enough to get within reach of the celebrity-studded rollout.  I won’t profess the same heart-thudding enthusiasm, but it’s worth it just to take a gander and nod from the sidelines.      Does that sound jaded?  Eh:  I’m just not as […]

That’s that: Gov. Perry’s ‘and the third one is . . . .’

     Life is really hard for conservatives who hate Mitt Romney.      Even if you think Mitt Romney really is the most capable, qualified, and deserving champion to lead the Republican challenge to President Obama in next year’s election, it may be troubling to contemplate a primary field so bereft of real options.      That so many conservatives […]

Daily roundup (Brits and leather, etc.)

     Miranda Kerr sure is something, no?        The Daily Mail is even telling us how to “get the look” ,  bless their hearts!      Not everybody can be that awesome.  But some people might be.  Good luck, intrepid fashionistas!!      Seen the fliers for Zumba classes round about?  Curious what that’s about?  “Think red […]

Story of Xtina (poor little pop princess)

     There are certain little pet hypotheses and worldly conundrums I like to hash out inside my head every sweet day of the year.  Christina Aguilera is not one of them.  Still, on occasion, I do ponder the weirdness of the poor girl.  This little item on blindgossip brought me back.      With Christina, you just […]

Typo-phobia

 You’d expect, for instance, that anyone savvy enough to read Slate would know the proper rules of typing, but you’d be wrong; every third e-mail I get from readers includes the two-space error. (In editing letters for “Dear Farhad,” my occasional tech-advice column, I’ve removed enough extra spaces to fill my forthcoming volume of melancholy […]

Thursday Night Fanmail Club (Perverted Poltergeist diavlog edition)

Ed.:  Hi Mickey! Me:  Hey Bob! Ed.:  How’s it going? Me:  Ahm, it’s okay I guess?  I kinda konked out early last night, and I kept waking up and waking up, thinking it was dawn already, but it was never there. Ed.:  Bad night’s sleep. Me:  Well, no.  The thing is, it must’ve been really deep […]

Tory Burch Fall 2011: Zhivago’s Finishing School

     The Fall 2011 Tory Burch collection works the “undone” look in reverse:  it has a magpie spirit in “come-together” mode.      “Magpie prep”?  “Oxbridge boho”?  I’m just tossing things in the air; feel free to try and press your own, fresh coinages!      The seepage between bohemian and ladylike, English high-class and groovy chick reminds me a bit of […]

Read it for the writing

     Sometimes you really do have to read De Doctrina Christiani the Daily Mail just for the writing.  Here’s a scoop on none-too-gorgeous Millie Mackintosh (love the name, though!) that’s far more amusing a read than her pictures are. Her parents will be cowering behind their diamond-encrusted pillowcases in their mansion when they see these […]

Practical Parenting: “Suspiria” vs. Gaga

     Here’s something about modern living I truly don’t understand:  how can parents stand for their kids to be exposed to Lady Gaga?      Now, I have something specific in mind here; but first, let’s enjoy chewing over some more generalized objections.  First, her lack of distinctive talent.  There’s little about discourse today on Pop Culture […]